Multi-Family Travel Story: Let’s Go Away Together
VACATIONING WITH GOOD FRIENDS AND THEIR FAMILIES
Fifteen years ago, while still in school, peers were the people with whom I spent the majority of my leisure time. Life was exciting and we shared a great deal. There was (it seems now) all the time in the world to devote to nurturing friendships. My closest friends and I have been together through graduation, first jobs, relationships, weddings. We dreamed of raising families who would grow together. And then, my husband and I moved to Edmonton for work. My friends and I still keep in touch, but it’s not so easy with the demands of raising young children and maintaining familial relationships. For our children to get to know one another is next to impossible.
Here in Edmonton, my husband and I and our children have established some friendships, but gone are the days when a family bought a house and settled down for the next twenty years. Year after year, more of our friends move to some other part of the country, some to another part of the world altogether. Attaining that dream of maintaining close family friendships seems to stretch right out of reach.
One activity that has helped to maintain connections is the multi-family vacation. Although visiting one another’s homes and hometowns is fun, there is something magical about taking a vacation together. Perhaps part of it is the neutral territory. 
Nobody is ‘the guest’ worrying about what not to touch or what space to respect; nobody is ‘the host’ taking on the responsibility for meeting the needs of extra people in the house and performing daily chores; fewer toes to step on all around. In this neutral territory, work such as cooking and washing up is easily shared. Nobody is being, what we call in Chinese, hak hay, which roughly translates to polite, even overly polite. Everyone just pitches in. And at the bottom of our souls we feel, these people who work alongside me completing basic, life-nourishing tasks, who else could they be but family?
Simply being in an ‘away’ environment together adds to the magic as well. Time seems to slow down. When I get together with friends during my ‘normal’ life, we need to worry about transportation and naptimes and schedules; we pack lunches, share snacks, bring diapers. When people visit for several days, I still must think about those things for we go out to see sights and explore attractions. The last vacation I had, however, we shared with two other families. We packed beforehand and grocery shopped before we got there. (Well, okay, we made many trips to the grocery store and ended up with too much food, but we’ll get it right next time!) Once we were all there, aside from a couple of trips to the store and the beach, we all parked ourselves on the property. For three days we visited. When kids were hungry, we fed them. When they were tired, beds, cribs, and carriers were all there. In between, we talked and worked and played. Nobody’s schedule matched and it didn’t matter.
Finally, the dynamic of a large group vacation is interesting in itself. At home, we all have long established behaviour patterns between husband and wife, between mother or father and children, between siblings. Bring us to a new place with new things to do? Well that’s fun. Now add in more men and women with whom to socialise and compare notes. Give the children other children to play with. Give the adults new cute little ones to bring out their vitality. Give the children new adults to learn from, who won’t tell them the same old things. Woo hoo! It’s a three-day (or however long) party!
Living Side-by-Side
What the Kids Loved: being able to visit at almost any time, exploring a new environment together, plenty of time outdoors.
Difficulties: having to say goodbye at the end of the evening.
Living In One House
What the Kids Loved: having other children to play with all day long for three whole days, exploring a new environment together
Difficulties: getting some children to nap, sharing one bathroom between eleven people.
For families whose children wake frequently at night, or who are very particular about how a house is kept even for a few days, separate accommodations may be the way to go. After all, the vacation won’t be much fun if people are grumpy from lack of sleep; nor do you want to spend it squabbling over one another’s messes. But if you are willing to put up with the little things, it is hard to beat sharing a house with close family friends. Moments at the end of the day as you wind down to go to bed, early in the morning before late risers awaken, as you share chores, as you lend a helping hand to dissipate tensions, those are times that are difficult to duplicate outside of sharing a roof.
“It has been daylight for a couple of hours. Everyone else in the family is still asleep, but I was not been able to drift off again after Ethan woke at 5:00 am, so I am killing a bit of time reading a book. Not much else to do way out here in the cabins in the B.C. Rocky Mountains. No chores to worry about, nowhere to go, no work to do. Just a little enforced alone time for now. Suddenly, there is a knock at the door. No, the window. It is Lily. The Prewetts had arrived during the night and she had been woken by her baby.”
“All of the families head to the pebble beach for water fun and a picnic lunch. The seagulls dive and drop clams, like in Alisha’s book, A Salmon for Simon
. Simone, Alisha, and Dawn turn over rock after rock after rock after rock for crabs. Or rather, Sadie, Ronald, Carolyn, and I do. The kids watch and say, ‘Again!’”
“I step out of the shower and see Ken reading a magazine. We are alone together in the middle of the day? When was the last time that happened? I raise my eyebrows. ‘Yeah, the kids wandered over to the other cabin.’”
“It is nice to be near the water again. The A-frame house where we are staying has some cute character to it. The stairs up to the second floor are pretty steep, somewhere between stairs and a ladder, really. The kids all want to climb the steps on their own. None of the parents agree. After a day and a half of shadowing Alisha on the stairs, we decide she is okay as long as she is being careful, which she has been. At nine o’clock that night, Alisha trips on her pajama pants coming down. Our hearts stop. We are sure we will be heading to the nearest hospital. Luckily Alisha is unhurt. No broken bones, not even a bruise. No more stairs without a grown-up.”
“Tonight, the dads choose to put the kids to sleep. It is just us moms at the kitchen table. One of us is drying her hair, one has a book, and one is sipping a cup of tea as she nurses her baby. We talk about religion and spirituality and philosophy. We talk about culture and relationships and kids. Everyone is relaxed because we know the husbands and kids are all okay.”
“The night owls meet the morning people. Let’s just call it ‘interesting’.”
“The children and wife are asleep. I close my eyes and try to catch a few winks myself. Blocks away, the Elvis competition blares with bad, bad karaoke. Nobody wins! Just go home!”
“I see quaint farm buildings as I drive along the lonely road. Plenty of “For Sale” signs. I am curious about real estate pricing, I think. And a sign that advertises Frogs Legs for sale. Yum! Too bad we didn’t buy any.”
“The hike is a long one. We don’t get very far before we run out of time and need to turn back. It is nice to be in the mountains though, surrounded by trees and sounds of rushing water. Lily and Ken compete in their knowledge of plant biology. They each privately tell me the other doesn’t know what they are talking about. James and I and the babies just enjoy the hike. The preschoolers…the preschoolers talk about elk poo for weeks to come.”
“Mount Robson is a half hour drive away. We worry a bit that after the six-hour drive to get here yesterday, the kids are not going to be crazy about another long ride. “Let’s trade!” we say. Our older ones anyway. The preschoolers love being alone with their “auntie” and “uncle.” The babies enjoy having a new playmate. The adults are amused by antics that have long since gotten old at home. We trade again on the way back.”
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